Another day, another chance to start over

Over a month since my last blog entry... wow...  I remember as a kid my dad talking about how time flies as you get older but not believing him.  How could time fly when, as a kid, the days felt endless?  Especially around the holidays.  Well, I get it now.  A week can be gone in the blink of an eye.  And a month in two blinks.  

I do enjoy writing this blog, but I often feel what I have to say may not be of interest or just another repeat on the same theme.  It becomes very easy for me to tell myself I will write something tomorrow... and then here I am a month later.  Plus, the one thing I've noticed over the years (I did the same thing with my blog on the Weight Watcher site), is I don't write when things are going well.  There's less to talk about when things are going great, when I'm sticking to program (any program), getting my activity in, and just grooving along.  

I'm back to today to say things are going okay.  Not great, but not as well as they had been.  Another bump on this long, winding, weight loss journey.

Let me start by saying, doing the Whole 30 was awesome experience.  I loved it!  Without sugar and carbs spiking my blood sugar, I was happier, energetic, and able to handle the day to day stresses without breaking down into an emotional mess.  Which means, Hubby was much happier as well.  

I was grooving along with the Whole 30 and it turned into the Whole 35.  35 days without carbs and processed sugars.  I didn't "cheat" even once.  It was great.

Then the Halloween party.  Halloween is struggle for the best of us.  Party's are always a challenge.  Combine the two and... well... any good intentions I had went right out of the window.  A Halloween party is not the place to try and re-introduce one or two foods.  Food, drink, and conversation.  The night went by fast.  And the next morning, I was not feeling good at all.  I only had one drink (my favorite, a Mike's Hard Lemonade... pure sugar), a few bites of this and that... and a taste of this and that... all carbs.  

The next morning I felt awful.  I felt like I was hungover, but I didn't see how that possible with just one drink.  I suffered the through the day and by dinner time felt better.  But the next day it became apparent that I wasn't hungover, it was the first step in a two week long cold/flu.  I went from party eating to comfort eating within two days.  Granted, I handled the comfort eating better than I had in the past, but I could have made some different (healthier) choices during the week.  Then, before I was over this nasty cold, Hubby and I were on vacation.  Tired from the cold, stressed from missing work, and traveling from Montana to California tipped me over the edge.  I went into the "I don't care anymore" mindset and ate carbs and processed sugars every day. 

We've been home a week and a half and I'm still in that mindset.  Cold is gone so no need to comfort eat.  Stress from work has gotten better since I am somewhat caught up from being gone.  Yet every day, I'm continuing with my bad food choices.

Every morning I get up and tell myself this is the day I get back on track, start eating clean again.  No carbs or processed sugars.  I can do this.  I did it for 35 days.  I can do it again,

Then the lure of the doughnut, or the candy, or the chips become too much and I'm eating foods I shouldn't be eating.

I have done a lot of reading on eating clean, eating naturally, on Primal eating, Paleo eating, and books on eating behavior.  Quite a few of these books talk about the chemical reaction in our brain when we eat certain foods, a similar reaction to that of people with a drug or alcohol addiction.  I don't know if I'm addicted to the carbs and processed sugars, but it feels as though I am.  I do great without that stuff in my life, but once I start eating it, things seem to fall apart.  

Since I started eating processed sugars and carbs again, I am tired, emotional, and more stressed about the little things.  I feel fat, start thinking negative thoughts, and become more lethargic and uninterested in things.  I also start "sneak eating."  I don't want Hubby to know that eating junk so I eat those foods at work or sneak them into my scrapbook room and eat it while he's in the other room.  

Which is why I'm writing this blog entry after a month away. Today is a new day.  A day to start over (yes, yet again!).  Today I admit that I have a problem, I am addicted to processed sugars and carbs.  I need to go back to what works for me.  I need to quit eating the junk food and eat the healthy, natural foods that make me feel good.  

I want to go back the happy, energetic person I was a month ago.  And I will.  Starting today.