What I learned from CrossFit

My runs this week have been better than last week, but not as good as Saturday.  I'm chalking the slow pace up to semi-darkness and chilly mornings.  I really didn't want to go out this morning.  I was tired, out sorts, and my jaw hurt from my visit to the dentist yesterday.  But, despite all that, I got on my running clothes and headed out the door.  I kept reminding myself that I could always walk if I didn't want to run... but once I get going, I generally stay at run (jog, fast walk for everyone else).

Running is a good time to think, to reflect, to plan.  I thought I would hate running by myself, but I am finding that I really enjoy the alone time, with no distractions.  Well, other then the ache in my knee... the ragged breathing... watching out for cars... avoiding the deer....

This morning as I was running, I was thinking back to what I was doing a year ago.  I was running very little because of severe knee pain and I had just started CrossFit.  Windy asked me the other day what I got out of CrossFit, what I liked about it.  I told her the thing I remember most, and still use, is the techniques I learned about running in the Endurance class.  That conversation got me to thinking about what else I got out of it. 

There are two things that I feel where the most important lessons I got out CrossFit.  Stretching and the running technique. 

Yes, I learned a lot from CrossFit other than those two things.  I learned I am stronger than I thought I was.  That there are so many new activities for me to try and to learn.  I experienced the strong community feeling that CrossFit brings. At CrossFit, people won't judge you because of the things you can't do, but will encourage you to try and cheer you on during the workout.

Even with all other things I learned and experienced, it was the importance of stretching and learning a new running technique that I still carry with me.

I knew stretching was important but through CrossFit I learned new stretching techniques in the mobility classes.  I learned that to get a good stretch after working out you need to hold the stretch position for 1 minute, in mobility, 2 minutes.  Most likely my knee pain was caused by not stretching or when I did stretch, not stretching enough or not doing the stretches that would benefit my knee.  Since doing the ROMWOD (stretching videos) 6 days a week and making sure I stretch after I run, I am seeing some improvement with my knee.  Less pain, and more of a dull ache.  And I can run.  That in itself is an improvement.

Thanks to the endurance class through CrossFit, I learned a different technique for running which is less impacting on my knee.  While running, if my knee does start to hurt, then I hear Coach Krista's voice in my head saying, "pull, pull, pull..."  When I do that technique, I am pulling, taking smaller strides, and my knee longer hurts. 

When I tell people that I used to CrossFit, they always asked me why I no longer do it.  The only answer I can come up with is, it just wasn't the right fit for me.  I've tried time and again to articulate how much I liked CrossFit, yet how much it stressed me out (mentally, emotionally), but I just can't find the right words.  I did like CrossFit.  I like how much I was learning about lifting and the various skills they teach.  I liked seeing improvements in the workouts I was doing.  But I just did not get the same satisfaction from CrossFit as I get from running.  I don't necessarily enjoy running, but I get the most awesome feeling when I'm done.  When I have completed a run.  When I have pushed myself to do it even when I didn't feel like it.  When I get that great pace, or have a good pace on a crappy day.  For me, there is this wonderful feeling of satisfaction.  As hard as I worked at CrossFit, as wonderful as everyone was, as great as I felt when I saw improvement, I rarely had that feeling of satisfaction.  That's how I knew CrossFit just wasn't my thing.

But that's not to say I wouldn't recommend others to try it.  In fact, I've told several people they should give it a try.  It was great experience for me and I think anyone who does it, will walk away with something learned and will not regret having tried it.  I would say to anyone who does try it, to commit to at least 2 to 3 months, so you have time to learn the techniques of the workouts and to give yourself time to see improvement.

I know anyone who commits to it and gives it their best effort, will walk away from the experience a better person.  I know I did.

4 weeks and counting...

It's now been 4 weeks that I have been back on some type of program.  Not sure what to call the program... clean eating? Paleo with indulgences?  Sort of Weight Watchers?  Whatever you call it, it seems to work for me.

Most of my meals are Paleo/Primal since that is what Hubby prefers and he does all the cooking.  My snacks, for the most part, would be considered clean eating.  Yet, I've had a lot of indulgences that don't fall under any of those categories.  And I'm back to going to my Thursday morning Weight Watcher meetings.  I track all my food on MyFitnessPal, keep track of my steps with Fitbit, and use Runkeeper when I run. 

I've lost 7 pounds in the last 28 days, which for me, the slow loser, is awesome.  Especially considering all the indulgences (cheese cake, cupcakes, ice cream, chocolate) I have had during that time.

I wish I could say I feel great, but I am still struggling with enough issues, that I'm not quite there yet.  This past week has been difficult, both physically and mentally, but I didn't give into emotional eating, so that's a big plus.  I haven't slept enough this week, and I had one of those weeks were I just felt fat and bloated. 

And then there was the running and the knee pain.  Last Saturday I had a good run, so I was actually looking forward to running during the week.  When I went out on Monday morning, I felt good.  No knee pain, breathing was good, and kept to mostly positive thoughts.  So I was surprised at the end of the run to see I my pace was over a 14 minute mile.  And Wednesday's run was even worse... followed by the worst knee pain than I've had in months. 

This shows I have increased

my steps by 68% over the previous 28 days - Go Me!

Hubby thought maybe I was overdoing it... and like usual, he was probably right.  I not only started running again, but I more than doubled my daily steps, was doing the ROMWOD stretching 6 days a week, and doing the Wii Fit two mornings a week.  Pretty sure my knee was rebelling... screaming at me, yelling, "What the hell do you think your doing?  We haven't worked this hard in 6 to 8 months!  That's it, I'm going to show you how I feel about this!" And the pain followed for the next three days.  But I continued to walk... continued to stretch... continued with the Wii Fit. 

Today was a run day.  I was very nervous about getting out because I still had knee pain last night.  I decided I would go and if my knee started to act up, I would walk.  Either way, I was going to get my two miles in.

My knee ached during the run but no major pain.  Breathing was a little ragged but not enough to cause the exercise induced asthma.  And the pace was slow... or so I thought.  I ended the run with a 12:45 per mile pace.  Huh?  How did I manage that?  That definitely was not what I had expected, but I was thrilled!

I'm still not a hundred percent certain I will be able to the 10K in June, but I'm going to keep working at it.  It's a goal.  Something to strive for.

On another note... Thursday, April 14 was my 12 year anniversary of starting on this weight loss journey.  I may not be where I was 6 years ago (at my 100 pound loss), but I am far cry from where I was 12 years ago.  73.8 pounds away from my weight of 12 years. 

I've had a lot ups and downs during the last 4 weeks, but overall, I feel much better than I have in months.  I can only hope that by getting back to what works well for me will help me get back to a weight I am comfortable with, and back to the energy level that I long to have again.

The voices in my head

While I was running this morning, I noticed that the voices in my head seemed to be arguing with each other.  My positive side and negative side were having a constant discussion about my run, how I was feeling and how I was doing... It went something like this:

Negative: Why are we doing this?  I'm tired... let's just go back.

Positive:  We're out here because we signed up the 10K and we need to get the training runs in.

Negative:  Well, that was dumb.  Why did we sign up?  We haven't run a race in a year and haven't run at all since last summer.

Positive:  That's why we out here!  To start running again.

Negative:  Well, I wouldn't call this running... it's more like a slow shuffle.

Positive:  Doesn't matter if we run or walk, as long as we are out here.

Negative: So walking is a option?  Let's do that instead.

Positive:  No, we are doing well enough we don't need to walk yet. 

Negative:  My knee hurts.

Positive:  There's a little ache, no pain, we're fine.

Negative:  We can't breathe.  If we keep this up, we're going to trigger an asthma attack. 

Positive:  No.  We can breathe.  Just keep taking deep breaths.

Negative:  See that lady running?  She's in shape.  She's probably judging us... wondering why that fat woman is running.

Positive:  No, she doesn't care.  See?  She smiled and gave us the runner's nod. 

Negative:  This is so dumb.  We'll never get back in shape to run long distances again.

Positive:  We did it before.  So what if we have to start over?  We're never going to know what we can or can't do unless we try.

Negative:  We're running too slow.  We're going to have our worst pace yet.

Positive:  No, we're fine.  Hear that?  Runkeeper just gave us our stats for the mile, and we're doing great.

Negative:  Then let's walk the rest of the way...

Positive:  No!  We got this.  Less than a half mile to go.

Negative:  Great, and now we'll be sore and achy all day.

Positive:  Nope, we're going to stretch when we get home.  And we'll go for a walk later.

Negative:  No, we won't.  We'll just lay on the couch all day.

Positive:  So what if we do?  At least we will have done our training run for the day.  And look!  We're almost home.  Just another two blocks to go.

Negative:  Really?  So what?  We only went a 1.5 miles.

Positive:  Yes, we ran 1.5 miles, with just a very short walk break.  We couldn't have done that last week.  And see that?  We're done!  And we did it with a faster pace than we did during the week.  We got this!  Now, lets go stretch!

 

Shopping for clothes used to be fun...

I have a love-hate relationship with shopping for clothes.  When I was at my heaviest weight of 252 pounds, I didn't really shop.  I would pick out clothes that I thought might fit me, buy them, take them home, and if they fit, great.  If not, they went in a bag in my closet because I was too embarrassed to take them back to the store.  As I lost weight, I would buy clothes at thrift shops and on clearance because I knew I was just "passing through" that size and didn't want to spend a lot on clothes.

My taste in clothes changed as lost weight.  I went from beige, brown, neutral colors, to brighter colors.  I went from baggy clothes that hid my weight (or at least that was my attempt), to clothes that showed I really did have a figure. 

Somewhere along my weight loss journey, I actually began to enjoy shopping for clothes.  I even bought dresses and skirts... and high heel shoes.  Okay, high heel for me...not much of heel, but since I had no experience walking in them, I wasn't going to risk spending the day stumbling around!

I was able to go clothes shopping with my friends and not have to be in the "women's" section.  I could buy petite clothes.  Clothes in sizes I never dreamed I would be able to wear.

When I got to goal, I bought a bunch "forever" clothes.  These were clothes I would be able to wear until they wore out because I was not going to gain the weight back...ever.

Yeah... ummm... okay... so life happens.  I gained some weight back. 

Then one day I realized none of my jeans fit, not even my baggy, comfortable jeans.  So I was forced to buy new jeans.  I was not happy about it, but I did it.  Eventually even those jeans became too tight, but I am to the point I do not want to buy any new jeans.  And hopefully with being back on track, I won't have to.

This past weekend I decided I wanted to buy a dress or skirt to wear when Hubby and I go out for a nice dinner.  Nothing fancy.  Just something to make me feel attractive.  Something other than jeans.

I knew nothing in my closet would fit since the dresses and skirts are close to goal weight or goal weight clothes.  So I headed to the store to find something.  What I did not expect was to feel so disappointed.  In myself.  I know how many pounds I've gained, but I was shocked by what that meant in clothing sizes.  Finding something that looked decent on me because a desperate search for something, anything.  I finally found a dress in a size I never thought I would see again.  But, it does look nice on me, and I do feel pretty in it, so I'm trying to keep that in mind. 

All in all, it was not the fun experience it used to be. 

I was telling my friend Windy about the trip to the store and how it was so depressing because I have such beautiful clothes, just hanging in my closet.  Waiting for me to get my act together.

She suggested that I take out my favorite dress and hang it where I can see so it can be my motivation to get back to goal.  It's a great suggestion.  And I'm sure it works for a lot of people.  But I am not a lot of people (though I do thank you for the suggestion, Windy, I really do!).  Seeing the dress would not give me motivation.  Looking at my favorite dress, day after day, would just be a reminder to me of the bad choices and decisions I have made in the last couple of years.  It would taunt me day after day of how far I still have to go to fit into that dress.  For me, having the dress visible would actually be counter productive.  I need to focus on where I am at this moment, not on where I was or where I will be in year or two.

Pictures of me at goal are a nice reminder of what I can accomplish if I stick with the program and do the things I need to do on a daily basis.  So looking at those pictures from time to time is a good thing.  But having that picture staring back at me from the frig or hanging on my computer monitor?  Again, for me, it's also a taunt of what I have lost. 

I'm also not one of those people that can set weight goals by a certain date.  I have tried over the years to lose x amount of pounds by a certain date (my birthday, a vacation, whatever), only to get off track, feel like I failed, eat out of guilt for not reaching my goal, and going totally off plan.  After doing this more than once (hey, there's a reason it took me 6 years to lose 100 pounds!), I finally just made up my mind if I weigh less by a certain date (even it's just pound), is better than gaining.  So learned to celebrate any weight loss, no matter how small.  Even when I was on a roll and losing weight on a regular basis, I was only averaging .4 to .6 per week.  Some weeks I lost a lot, some weeks I gained, but over the course of two years, that was what I average per week.  I learned that I am a slow loser, but I do lose the weight eventually.

The one goal I can visualize and set "by a certain date" is regarding activity and exercise.  I learned that a necessity when you are training for a half marathon.  I needed to run certain distances by a certain dates so I would be in shape to finish the races I signed up for.

And I have set up new activity goals for myself.  I decided I want to run the Governor's Cup 10K on June 11.  A little less than 10 weeks away.  I had set up a fairly strict training plan so I will be in (somewhat) good shape for the race.  My only goal is to finish... and if I can finish it while running most of the distance, then that will be icing on the cake.  I will need to increase my distance a 1/2 mile a week between now and the race, but Hubby thinks I can do it.  And so do I.

I have gotten two runs in this week and will run again tomorrow.  I'm going slow, taking my time, running with short strides, and that is helping to keep the knee pain away.  Well, that and doing the ROMWOD stretches everyday. 

I feel like I am finally in the right place mentally to start running again and to get serious about it. 

And who knows... maybe the running will help me get back into the closet full of clothes waiting to be worn.

Weekly recap, new goals, and BDS: Day 5

I've now been back on track for two weeks.  I feel good, mentally and emotionally.  Wish I could say I feel good physically, but I'm still working on that.

I haven't lost a lot of weight in the two weeks, but enough to keep me motivated and focused on what I want to accomplish.

And my motivation has been good this week.  A recap of my goals and how I did this week:

1) Tracking: 7 out of 7 days

        This included tracking the Girl Scout cookies I ate (just one a day for two days), my dinner out with Hubby, and the German Chocolate Cake I had at a going away party for a co-worker.

2) Drink 64 oz of water: 6 out of 7 days

         And the one day I didn't make my goal?  I was off by 2 to 4 oz, so still good overall.

3) Get at least 7 3/4 hours of sleep a night: 4 out 7 days

        This is obviously something I still need to work on.  I did well early in the week, but then I started staying up a bit later at night.  Since I wake up between 5:15-5:45 on the weekends, regardless of when I go to bed, I will need to keep the same bedtime on Friday and Saturday to get the sleep I need.

4) Eat while sitting down: still need to work on this

       I caught myself numerous times during the week doing this.  I can't believe I ever thought this wasn't a problem for me.  Granted, I'm not eating whole meals standing up, but I do eat snacks while standing.  Including that cake I ate yesterday.  This still isn't habit for me.  More work is needed!

5) Do the ROMWOD stretches everyday:  6 out of 7 days

       I'm going to consider this one a success.  I didn't do it every day, but Hubby says missing one day isn't a big deal.  I missed yesterday but Hubby and I got up and did it first thing morning.

6) Walk as many steps as the previous week: Success!

      Okay, this one wasn't on my list from last week, but it was a goal for me.  I made sure that at the end of everyday I had at least my daily average (according to Fitbit) so I would get as many steps as last week.  Since I only need 400 more steps today to that, I'm pretty sure I will reach this goal.

Looking over my weekly goals, I would consider this week a success.  More importantly, focusing on these goals takes the focus away from the number on the scale. 

What's my plan for this week?  Well, I think I have the tracking and drinking my water under control, so although they will continue to be goals, I don't feel the need to write them down.  My goals for this week will be:

1 - Get 7 3/4 hours of sleep a night

2 - Do the ROMWOD at least 6 out of 7 days

3 - Walk as many steps as the previous week

4 - Run at least twice this week

5 - Eat while sitting down AND eat slowly and mindfully

Which brings me to the Beck Diet Solution (BDS) Day 5, which is to eat slowly and mindfully.  I think this goes hand-in-hand with the eating while sitting.  And I don't think I need to explain this one or why it's so important.  But it's definitely something I need work on.  I still eat while staring at the computer, the TV or my phone (or... even a combination of those!).  I have to concept of what I'm eating, I'm not savoring the food, and my brain doesn't register I'm eating... so I think I'm hungry when I'm not.  I am going to make that priority this week.  Of course, I'm not off to a good start consider I ate a banana while typing this...  Oh well, there's always breakfast to work on goal 5. 

I know I don't have a lot of readers to this blog (I often joke about my "tens of readers"), but that's not really what matters to me.  Using this forum, I can share my journey for those who might need a little motivation or inspiration... or just to know they are not alone.  But more importantly, for me, it's a place to be accountable.  To admit my failures, share my struggles, and occasionally my successes.  So I thank those who take the time to read this.  It means a lot to me.

Now, I'm off for a short morning run.  My first in several weeks.  I'll let you know how it goes!