I know... two and a half weeks since my last post. I could lie and say I just haven't had the time to post, but the whole point to this blog is to be honest. So honestly? I have been slacking.
"Slacking on what?," you may ask. Well... everything. I haven't been blogging, tracking or exercising.
And I have excuses. Both legitimate and imagined. What is comes down to is, I don't handle stress well. And the work stress overtook my life for awhile. The re-org (as mentioned in the previous post... from weeks ago) was extremely stressful, then knowing I had a week long vacation looming and surgery following that, it made it more so. Or at least I perceived it that way.
I spent the week before my vacation, trying to move out of my office of ten years into a small cubicle (but I gained a window). I moved from a room of 3 people, to a room of 13. And during all this I was getting more work, with more responsibilities. So my normal day, which quit honestly gave me a lot of down time, was now packed with stuff from the time I walked in the door until I left. I skipped break time walks so I could get more done. Before all this, I would go home and not give work a second thought, but now I find myself dwelling on what I need to do and how I can be more efficient. I have dreams about work. I find myself working longer hours. And these are major changes for me. Much of my focus has been on work and not much else.
But... I did go on my vacation. A fun-filled 4 days at the Disneyland Resort and Parks. Two awesome races. And we even ventured out into Anaheim so Hubby could try some new brews at the local breweries. Yes, I had a good time. Again, being honest, I have to say I didn't really relax until Sunday evening after we were done with races. Which was 2 1/2 days into our trip. I spent a lot more time napping on this trip than I have done in the past. And more time just sitting. Usually our vacations are very active, with a lot of walking, especially when we are doing the RunDisney events. This trip I was very happy to just sit and people watch. Sit in the lounge at the hotel or sit a local brewery.
As for the races. I completed them. The 10K was probably the slowest one I have ever completed (1:19:51), and the half marathon took me three hours. But I finished both. And I have the medals to prove it!
Once we got home, I dove right back into work. It took several days before I felt less stressed and more comfortable in my new role. Today was a much better day and though I was still busy all day, I felt like I was making progress, getting things done, and making plans and implementing them on making my job more efficient. I'm learning to be a bit more assertive so I can get things done. Also, my new supervisor has been awesome about getting me set up to work from home as I recover from my surgery. We still have a bit more testing to do to make sure I have access to everything I need, but knowing I would have the ability to work from home lessened my stress level even more.
I am still taking a "break" from weight loss and activity until after the surgery, but I am still checking in at Weight Watchers. I weighed in on Saturday and was up a pound. Not bad for being on vacation for a week... and indulging a bit more than I should have!
I am staying mindful of what I eat (and I'm well aware of the fact I eat more than I should and often eat things I shouldn't), but I would like to be a bit more active. I really need to learn to step away from desk at work and go for a walk. Even if it's a just a quick jaunt around the outside of the building. I know this will help with my stress level and make me feel so much better, emotionally and physically.
Am I a slacker? In some areas of my life, yes. In other areas, no. I would like to be more balanced so I didn't feel that way, but at this time, I'm fine with that.
I will work on being less of a slacker when it comes to blogging...
With everything going (see yesterday's post), I've decided the best course of action in regards to weight loss and exercise is no action.
That's not to say I'm going to go back to eating unhealthy and eating huge amounts of food, I am just not going to stress about it day to day. I will do my best to make good, healthy food choices during the day, continue to walk with Windy when our schedules allow it, and will run or workout on the days I have energy. I will also continue to go my Weight Watchers meetings and weigh in once a week.
But I will not stress about the number on the scale and my lack of activity.
I have enough stress right now and I don't need any more. I will get through the reorg at work, get the surgery done, take my time recovering, and will worry about the weight and exercise after the first of March.
It's the best I can do for now... to give myself a break.
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I did go to the Weight Watcher meeting this morning. I went to the meeting on Saturday and was up 5 pounds (in a week and a half - yikes!), but was down 3.2 pounds this morning. I think (I hope!) now that holidays are over, there will be a bit less temptation. Which will make it easier to make healthy choices.
Until next week... when we go on vacation...
Yes, it's been two weeks since my last blog post. So much for posting at least once a week! But maybe those weeks when I posted three or four times makes up for it...
My holidays were great. I got to spend time with my family, but had plenty of time to relax and enjoy my time off as well. And of course, ate too much and exercised too little.
I wish I could say that I am starting off the New Year all gung-ho to whip myself into shape, but that's just not happening.
Why? Because life is throwing me some curves and my weight loss efforts have taken a back seat until things calm down.
On the 2nd of January I meet with a OB/GYN to discuss my fibroid issues and it was decided that I would have a hysterectomy. Major surgery, but it should eliminate my ongoing issues. I'm in agreement this is the right thing to do, but there is the stress of the surgery, the recovery time, and missing a big chunk of work.
And work is big change number two. We are going through a fairly major reorganization. In the 18 years I've worked in this section, there hasn't been a reorg of this magnitude. Other areas have been effected over the years, but ours has stayed pretty much the same with just minor changes here and there. But now they are splitting out the group of people I work with (some of which I've worked with for over 14 years), co-workers have been promoted to supervisors (and I'm thrilled for them, I have no desire whatsoever to oversee anyone other than myself!), and two of my co-workers are moving to newly created sections. So along with these changes we will be moving offices, downgrading in the size of cubicles and I will be moving from an office of three people to an area with 12 to 16 people in cramped little cubicles.
While all this changing of jobs, shuffling people, moving cubes is happening, I'm scheduled for my week long vacation. My next RunDisney 10K and half marathon.
I did mention that weight loss efforts have taken a back seat, right? Which means, in my case, little to no exercise is going on. Add on the stress of trying to get enough activity in so that I can do the two races with some confidence. My exercise has dwindled down to occasional lunch time walks with Windy (and thank goodness for her, otherwise I would probably just sit at my desk over my lunch hour!) and doing a long walk/jog on the treadmill once a week.
Work stress, stress about being in shape enough to run a 10K and half marathon, and the stress of major surgery has gotten me to the point I really don't care about what I eat or how much. I am angry at myself for not keeping my eating under control and punish myself with more bad food choices. I'm back in the vicious cycle of stress eating... and worse, I don't seem to care.
The surgery is scheduled for February 11th and I'm hoping the work situation has settled down by then. I was worried about having enough leave to be gone for 2 to 3 weeks, but luckily I have just enough time on the books to be gone that long. I am working with my new supervisor on possibly working from home toward the end of the recovery, which would be a good thing for me (time wise) and her (due to the changes I will be her only "veteran" employee).
For now, I'm trying to deal with all this stress one day at a time. I have found myself a new hobby as stress reliever (thanks again to Windy!). Who would have thought at 45 years old, I would fall in love with Legos? Building, tearing things apart, and building something new has helped to take my mind off the stress. An added bonus, I don't snack nearly as much in the evenings when I'm "playing" with my Legos. Now, I just need to figure out how to quit snacking at work every time I feel stressed.
Hmmm... had planned on a short little post, but this has turned into a long rambling one. Though it has helped to write out all my stress. Maybe today will be a better day because of this.
