Finding the fun again

I have now been at this for 11 weeks.  In those 11 weeks I have lost 19.8 pounds, reconnected with old friends, and changed a few of my not-so-good eating behaviors for new ones.  I even walked a 5k!  

As summer ends and the cooler weather... and winter approaches, I started to worry about how I would keep moving when the weather turns on me.  We have a treadmill, but due to Hubby and I both working from home, there is now a makeshift work station in front of the treadmill, making inaccessible.  Until we can figure out another work around, I need to find a way to keep myself active when I talk myself out of going for a walk.  

I have quite a few workout videos (a lot less since donating a majority of them to Goodwill), but those aren't "fun"... at least they aren't to me.  They are great for strength training and burning a few calories, and the variety may keep me interested for a while, but I need something I enjoy.  

Then it came to me.  The Nintendo Wii.  Yep, we still have the original Wii... with multiple controllers and the Wii Fit Board.  When I cleaned out our video games (sold those about the same time I donated the workout videos) I kept Wii Fit and the Wii Active "games." On Saturday I decided to see if the thing still worked.  After scouring for the proper cords (then figuring out how to connect them by myself because Hubby was out), getting fresh batteries for the controller Fit Board, the moment came to turn it on.  Amazingly, it still worked.  I logged into Wii Fit... only to have it tell me I hadn't been around in 1,632 Days (that's 4.47 years in case you were wondering).  And then it did it's weight assessment.  Oh man, that was not a good thing.  Up 43 pounds in the last 4.47 years.  Lovely...  

But I didn't let that stop me from having my "fun."  I played all the games I hadn't played in years and felt myself getting a bit competitive with my former self (anyone who knows me, knows I hate competition... unless it's competing with myself).  I went through the games on the Wii Fit and then found the disc for Wii Sports and played that as well.  I had a blast.

Here's the thing... the only thing I've done in the past 11 weeks is walk, hike and stretch.  Not a whole lot of arm stuff.  

The next day, I was more sore than I had been in years.  My arms, shoulders and back were protesting big time... to the point that I didn't do the Wii Fit again until Monday.  Even now, my arms and shoulders are sore, but it's a good sore.  It's the soreness that lets me know that I am finally moving again.  

I've only used the Wii Fit and Wii Sports, I have not tried the Wii Active yet.  That is more of a workout than the other two and I want to give myself time to get used to the little bit I'm doing now. 

Another big change in my weight loss journey... rediscovery?... is something I have not done before.  I signed up with a personal coach.  My friend Sibyl started a business called Rebel Endurance Coaching which is a holistic approach to fitness.  It's not only about nutrition and exercise, but making small changes in the way you approach both.  Which is exactly what I have been doing (or attempting to do) for the last 11 weeks.  And this opportunity couldn't have come at a better time.  I've been struggling to keep up with my new better-for-me behaviors.  And with 2 more virtual races looming in the near future, a little help on my stamina and endurance would be a plus.  And the best part?  Sibyl knows me.  She not only knows my weight loss history, but she knows the aches, pains, and injuries I've had over the years.  She knows what I am willing to do, when I need a kick in the butt to get moving, and when to let me alone to figure it out on my own.  

Not sure how "fun" her coaching will be, but it will be a change.  A good change.  A change that is needed.  It will be new and interesting, which makes it fun.  

For now, I'm enjoying my morning walks... the way the sun shines on Mount Helena in the morning, the deer grazing in a neighbors yard, the cats slinking home after a night of prowling, the wave to the other people out walking.  It's good.  It's fun.  And in the afternoons and when the weather doesn't cooperate, I will continue to better myself by playing the Wii.  

Because if it's not fun, then why do it? 

Virtual 5K Completed!

This week has been a tough one for me.  I'm having a difficult time giving up the bad eating habits that are slowly (quickly) creeping back into my routine. And on top of that, I've been having stomach issues on and off all week (pretty sure it's something I'm eating).  So avoiding  the "comfort eating" has been a major challenge.  Yep, even with not feeling good, my first thought is food... if I eat just the right food, I will feel better.  That never happens, but doesn't stop me from trying! 

Because of not feeling well, my 30-minute walks have been hit or miss, I haven't been stretching, and there has been a lot more "couch time."  All of that started wearing on my self-esteem, and the self-doubt and negative thoughts started.  

Yesterday morning, I had had enough.  I woke up early, my mind racing, so I got out of bed at five am and decided that I was going to continue on, despite not feeling well.  I got up, did some chores, read Day 67 of the 100 Days of Weightloss book, then packed up so I could go to the scrapbook crop (first live crop since February/early March).  Saturday is our grocery shopping time, so I was at Walmart at 7 am, got the shopping done and back home before 8 am.  I still wasn't feeling great, but after talking with Hubby, we decided I should take my temperature, just to rule out the possibility that my stomach issues were more than a disagreement with the foods I was eating.  

Ugh!  I was running a slight temperature.  Pre-Covid, I wouldn't have given it a second thought.  Now... now you don't risk meeting up with friends with even a "slight" temperature.  Hubby suggested taking some ibuprofen and lying down for an hour to see if that knocked it down or if the slight temp difference was a fluke.  Nope, when I took my temperature an hour later, it was a tad higher.  *Sigh*  That meant no scrapping with friends, which added to my already spiraling mood.  I decided I would scrapbook at home and would "Zoom" the class I was missing.  Not the same as being there, but did help to improve my attitude.  I spent nearly the whole day scrapbooking and even got out for a slow walk with Hubby (Hubby is having an issue with his ankle and is in a boot, so the walk was slow).  I didn't overeat during the day because I was focused on scrapbooking and ordering pictures for the scrapbook pages.  Once I was done scrapbooking, ready to relax and watch TV, I made some popcorn... and ate it while watching TV, so ate mindlessly...  

I had been planning for a week to do the virtual 5K walk today.  I started going back and forth on actually doing it because of not feeling well, and not walking or stretching much during the week.  But I got up this morning and decided I would do it.  

I've had quite a few people offer to do this walk with me and I was going to take someone up on the offer, but this morning I realized I needed to do this by myself.  I needed to prove to myself that I am not the same person I was three months ago.  I have changed and completing this distance would prove that.

I did a few stretches, got my walking shoes on, earbuds hooked up, the race app open, and was ready to go.  So out the door I went.  

The air quality was good, a cool 56° degrees with a slight wind, and the sun starting to really shine.  A near perfect morning for a walk.  As I started out, the route is mainly downhill for about a quarter mile, so I started out a good clip.  And continued with that pace throughout the walk.  I also "jogged" across the cross streets and driveways. Near the 2 mile mark, I have to cross a set of railroad tracks and I could see a train (sitting, but they often stop then continue), so I "jogged" to get over the tracks before the train started moving again.  After that, I hit the dirt trail, a trail I have run hundreds of times while training for half marathons.  The thought of running got my feet moving and I did even more "jogging" (I keep putting the jog/jogging/jogged in quotes, because it's more of fast paced shuffle than a jog).  The last part of the walk was uphill, but I focused on how close I was to finishing.  I realized I was going to be able to complete this 5K under 60 minutes.  Something I didn't think I would be able to do.

I finished the 5K (3.1 miles) in 55:41, with an average pace of 17:55.  Which is one of the best pace times I've had since I started walking in July.  

I have now proved to myself I can do this.  And I can do this when I'm not feeling well.  I can do this without tracking and obsessing over every calorie going in (and out) of my body.  

Most of all, this has given me hope that I will be able to run again.  

Why don't I listen?

I am now on day 63 (week 9) of changing my behaviors.  And things are going well.  I've learned that I need to eat at the table, eliminate daily intake of junk food (everyday = bad, occasionally = good), and limit the snacks (snack being a healthy food such as fruit, not the junk food I used to consider a snack). I am much more active, I take 30 minute walks in the morning and 10 to 20 minute walks in the evening, I stretch regularly, and have made Saturday morning hikes part of my routine.  Yep, things are going well...

...except....

I still don't listen!  One of the biggest changes I am trying to make is to listen to my body.  To listen for the cues that tell me when I have had enough to eat.  These cues are subtle so you really need to pay attention.  Something I struggle with everyday.  I did well with listening early on, but lately, I've been turning a deaf ear and a blind eye to the cues my body is sending.  I ignore the subtle "eating pause" and continue on eating.  I am eating food just because it's there, not because I'm hungry.  If there is food on my plate or in my bowl, I eat it.  Do I need to eat it?  Nope.  But that doesn't stop me.  

In the last couple of weeks, I have let the bad habit of eating "because the food is on the plate" creep back into my life.  I find myself eating quickly and not even tasting the food I'm shoveling into my mouth.  I'm eating past "satisfied" and eating until I'm full.  I am not listening.  I'm also letting distractions back into my meal times.  First it was reading something on my phone, then it was watching a video, and several times I've eaten my snack on the couch while watching TV.  

It's amazing how fast I let these little behaviors back into my life.  Just little things, yes, but could quickly get me back to where I was before.  Eating fast and furious, while doing other activities.  Which then leads to eating the wrong foods... and back to where I started. 

I am trying.  Today I left a bit of my breakfast on the plate and reminded myself that if I am hungry in an hour or two, I can heat it up and finish it.  It's a start.  I now need to break myself of the habit of reaching for my phone while I'm eating.  The email can wait.  The text can wait. The Google search can wait.  That amusing article on Buzzfeed can wait.  There should be nothing distracting me while I am eating.  It is the only way I am going to break the bad habit of eating quickly and mindlessly.  I need to focus on the food in front of me and listen to my body.  It will tell me when I'm satisfied, but I won't hear it if I'm doing other stuff.  If whatever is on my phone is more important than focusing on my food, then I need to wait to eat. 

There is one way I am listening to my body... when it comes to my activity.  I am hyper-sensitive about the cues my body gives me (soreness, aches, pains) while I am walking or hiking.  My biggest fear is that I won't listen to my body and will end up with the knee pain (and/or foot pain) that plagued me before and caused me to stop running.  My whole motivation for eating healthy and getting to a healthy weight is so I will be able to run again.  That means taking it slow and listening to my body; walking slower when necessary, taking breaks during the hike, and modifying the stretches when it goes from a stretch to a pain.  It also means, when I'm feeling good, I can increase my walking speed (maybe even jog a step or two) and I can increase the range of  my stretches.  

The cues are there... I just need to listen.  

RS and WK

(back) LS, (front) MM, KR, WK and me

I feel...

Emotionally, this is a tough week for me.

Usually, this is the best week of the year for me and Hubby.  His birthday is the 7th, today (the 10th) is our anniversary, and tomorrow is my birthday.  To celebrate these three events, we go on a week long vacation.  Most years it would be Walt Disney World or Disneyland, last year it was a 7 day trip to San Diego.  

This year... well, I think you can guess why this has been a tough week.  No traveling.  No getaway.  Just more time at home.  I did take the week off from work, but it has not the relaxing week I had hoped for.  There's just been a feeling of unease to the week.  Don't get me wrong, I have had fun this week.  Went hiking with friends on Saturday, had an awesome time at the family BBQ on Sunday, a quiet lunch out with Hubby on Monday, and spent Tuesday night on the Zoom crafting call (a bunch of my scrapbooking friends get together on the zoom call and craft, talk, and laugh the entire evening).  We have a wonderful dinner planned for tonight at a local steak house and tomorrow night, I have some close friends and family coming for an outdoor movie night. 

Even with all that, I still feel... isolated.  Alone.  

Lots of reasons why I would feel that way... no vacations this year (we canceled our trip in March to Las Vegas), no week long celebration trip this month, no camping (Hubby has been having issues with his ankle, so camping would have been difficult), nothing but staying at home.  With working from home, it feels confining. 

Hubby's birthday was very blah because of the weather, it was a chilly, rainy, gloomy day.  He was in a funk most of the day, probably for reasons similar to mine.  

When I started this blog 6 years ago (6 years as of tomorrow), it was to keep myself motivated, focused on my goals, and may be inspire someone to work on becoming healthier.  Now, I use this blog to be accountable, to help me realize that I am capable of losing the weight again, and that I am not alone on this journey.

But... 

Tomorrow is the my 51st birthday and I was feeling sorry for myself this morning.  I was feeling like I didn't have a friend in the world (oh come on, everyone has felt that way at one time or another, I had my moment!).  Then I remembered all the people that reached out to me and said they would love to walk with me.  I had an old friend reach out on Facebook and said she would walk with me, despite not having talked in several years.  And on Tuesday, I had another friend offer to walk with me in the evenings.  And a new friend say she would love to join our hiking group on Saturday mornings.  

I am not alone.  I am not unloved.  I may not have a "BFF," but I have friends that care, that want nothing but the best for me.  I have friends that want to walk with me, that encourage and inspire me, that want to see me succeed.  

I have a good life. I have a wonderful husband, a great family, and awesome group of friends.  I have a good job (which right now, is a gift), a fun side gig selling Lego, and two felines that give me unconditional love.  I have shelter, food, and love.  

And for that, I am grateful.  

Genius, foolish or stupid?

It's been another week... and other loss.  Was down nearly a pound, bringing my weight loss total to 14.4 pounds in 7 weeks.  

This week I have noticed a couple of bad habits starting slip back into my routine. I noticed I'm not eating as slowly as I was the first couple of weeks.  It's still slower than I used to eat, but quick enough I wasn't savoring or enjoying the food as I ate it.  Also, I wasn't putting my fork/spoon down between bits.  And I was more distracted while eating.  I had two evenings this week, I ate while watching TV.  Let me clarify, I was eating fruit, so not my normal "sit on the couch and eat in a vegged out state" type of food (i.e. chips, ice cream, etc).  And the first evening I did it, I was eating blueberries... one at a time... feeling the texture (mushy or firm) and really tasting it (tart or sweet).  Last night, I ate a combination of blackberries and blueberries and ate them so fast, I didn't pay attention to the texture or taste at all.  

These are are not a habits I want to go back to, so today I'm committed to eating slowly, mindfully, and with little to no distractions.  (And did I mention I have a family BBQ today? ...so this will test my resolve to get back to the healthy habits). 

This week I also had a several days where I didn't get my 10,000 steps a day.  Not the end of the world, but two days in a row I was more sedentary than active.  This is another habit I don't want to go back to.  Defeats the whole purpose of me getting back to a healthy (healthier) weight... so I can start running again.

Which brings me to the title of this blog post.  I decided to sign up for several virtual races.  I have never done a virtual race before.  I've seen them advertised in the past (much more so since Covid-19 shut down nearly every race out there), and had thought they might be a good motivator to get me back to at least walking.  I've looked through a bunch of them, but most seem really overpriced for a virtual race.  Then I got an email (not an ad on my Facebook wall) from the company that puts on the Salt Lake City Marathon.  That race (the 1/2 Marathon, not the full... let's be clear on that!) is the first 1/2 marathon I ever ran and became a yearly event for Hubby and I.  I ran it every year between 2010 and 2015 (and walked it one year due to my knee).  It's my goal for the Salt Lake City 1/2 marathon to be my "come back" race. So when the email came about a virtual race series, I was intrigued.  And then, on a whim, I signed up for three of the races.  A 5K, an 8K and and 10K.  I have until December 31st to complete all three races.  I figured, this would be my motivator to increase my daily walks from 1.5 miles to something more.  Was it expensive to sign up? Sort of, but not much more than in person races (and a hell of a lot less than Disney races!).  And I still get the swag and bling.  For you non-race people... swag is the "gifts" you get for signing up race, usually a T-shirt, sometimes a water bottle, or in the case of "beer" races, a glass or mug at the end filled with beer.  Bling is the medal you get when you complete a race (I have a bunch of those from my running days - see picture).  

Here's the thing, when I first signed up, I was feeling pretty smart.  A brilliant plan to get me to do more than my normal 30-minute walk everyday.  I mentioned I was doing these races to a friend, and she excitedly asked if I was running again.  I felt foolish when I said, no, I would be walking them. Granted, we're not as close as we used to be, so she may be aware of how much weight I've gained and/or what running would do to my body at this weight.  Still, I started to feel like maybe this wasn't such a bright idea after all.  Then I started working out a time frame to complete each race by slowly increasing my Sunday walk time.  I figured out that I could do the 5K at the end of September, the 8K the beginning of November and the 10K around the middle of December.  Which means I would be walking a 10K in December, in Montana. Iffy weather at best...  

Then I began to wonder if I was being a genius by setting these goals to motivate me, foolish for doing this at a walking pace, or just plain stupid for thinking I could do it at all at my current weight.

And guess what... I'm freaking brilliant!  

So what if I am going to "just walk" these races?  I'm going to do them, complete them, and feel good doing it!  So what if the weather doesn't cooperate?  We have a treadmill.  And lord knows, when I was running, I spent many Sundays during the winter running hours at time on that treadmill to keep up with running schedule. So what if I spent two hours walking a 10K on the treadmill?  It's still 6.2 miles whether I'm outside or inside.   

I am not going to allow my self-doubt talk me out of this.  This is my first step to getting back outside and moving.  Then when I get the weight off, I will be that much closer to my goal of starting to run again.  

I just need to take it one day at time and focus on the moment.  And at this moment, I am feeling like a genius.