I feel...

Emotionally, this is a tough week for me.

Usually, this is the best week of the year for me and Hubby.  His birthday is the 7th, today (the 10th) is our anniversary, and tomorrow is my birthday.  To celebrate these three events, we go on a week long vacation.  Most years it would be Walt Disney World or Disneyland, last year it was a 7 day trip to San Diego.  

This year... well, I think you can guess why this has been a tough week.  No traveling.  No getaway.  Just more time at home.  I did take the week off from work, but it has not the relaxing week I had hoped for.  There's just been a feeling of unease to the week.  Don't get me wrong, I have had fun this week.  Went hiking with friends on Saturday, had an awesome time at the family BBQ on Sunday, a quiet lunch out with Hubby on Monday, and spent Tuesday night on the Zoom crafting call (a bunch of my scrapbooking friends get together on the zoom call and craft, talk, and laugh the entire evening).  We have a wonderful dinner planned for tonight at a local steak house and tomorrow night, I have some close friends and family coming for an outdoor movie night. 

Even with all that, I still feel... isolated.  Alone.  

Lots of reasons why I would feel that way... no vacations this year (we canceled our trip in March to Las Vegas), no week long celebration trip this month, no camping (Hubby has been having issues with his ankle, so camping would have been difficult), nothing but staying at home.  With working from home, it feels confining. 

Hubby's birthday was very blah because of the weather, it was a chilly, rainy, gloomy day.  He was in a funk most of the day, probably for reasons similar to mine.  

When I started this blog 6 years ago (6 years as of tomorrow), it was to keep myself motivated, focused on my goals, and may be inspire someone to work on becoming healthier.  Now, I use this blog to be accountable, to help me realize that I am capable of losing the weight again, and that I am not alone on this journey.

But... 

Tomorrow is the my 51st birthday and I was feeling sorry for myself this morning.  I was feeling like I didn't have a friend in the world (oh come on, everyone has felt that way at one time or another, I had my moment!).  Then I remembered all the people that reached out to me and said they would love to walk with me.  I had an old friend reach out on Facebook and said she would walk with me, despite not having talked in several years.  And on Tuesday, I had another friend offer to walk with me in the evenings.  And a new friend say she would love to join our hiking group on Saturday mornings.  

I am not alone.  I am not unloved.  I may not have a "BFF," but I have friends that care, that want nothing but the best for me.  I have friends that want to walk with me, that encourage and inspire me, that want to see me succeed.  

I have a good life. I have a wonderful husband, a great family, and awesome group of friends.  I have a good job (which right now, is a gift), a fun side gig selling Lego, and two felines that give me unconditional love.  I have shelter, food, and love.  

And for that, I am grateful.