Doing better

I feel like I've done better this week mentally, if nothing else.  Was up again when I stepped on the scale this morning, but trying not to let that derail me.  I still ate more than I planned this week, so "no" to tempting foods a few times, and gave in a couple of times.  It's all about progress not perfection.

I'm still not happy where I am right now and I have a feeling until I come to peace with what I look like at this moment, I won't be able to move forward.  I need to find a way to forgive myself for gaining the weight back and accept that it happened and move on.  Until then, I'm going to be stuck... mentally and physically.

I can be really hard on myself.  I always have encouraging words for others, can talk them through the rough patches of their weight loss, yet I can't seem to use those same words on myself.  I need to learn to be own my best friend if I'm going to get back on track.

At least I'm getting back to blogging.  That does help.  I've always loved to write and writing my feelings helps me work through whatever is bothering me.  So blogging this week has helped keep me a bit more on track.  Well, more on track than I have been in the last couple of months.

I usually link the blog post to my Facebook and Twitter accounts, but I haven't done that with these last few entries.  And why haven't I?  I guess on some level, I'm embarrassed and ashamed by how much weight I've put on.  I try not to let my friends know how much it bothers me.  How frustrated, annoyed, and angry at myself I am.  I want to put on a happy face for them... I don't want to be the "Negative Nellie" that people avoid.  

So... for now, I'm just writing these blog entries for me.  Me and the couple of people that have stumbled across them.  

I wish I had more time to write today.  More time delve into what is bothering me and causing me to sabotage my own weight loss efforts.  But life is busy.  Work, fostering kittens, and summer activities keep me busy most days.  This morning, it's the foster kittens.  Two of our foster kittens are going to the vet to be neutered and since Hubby can't run to the vet today, it's up to me.  Which means I get to work late, need to leave a little early, and still get my work done and get my butt out for a walk or two.  

Speaking of walking, I did manage to get my step goal twice this week.  I'm happy about that!  Hoping next week will be even better since my friend Windy is back from vacation and should be able to start walking again.  

Okay, off to get my day started.  Goals for today... walk, no doughnuts, and plenty of water.  Plan on weighing in tomorrow, so I need to stay focused today!