This week is starting out well. Juli and I are doing a personal challenge for month of June. We've each come up with a few daily goals to achieve and then will reward ourselves at the end of the month. (Though Juli told me I couldn't use a cinnamon roll from Van's bakery as a reward... she's such a spoil sport!)
The goals I am working on are:
- Tracking my food every day, then taking a picture of my food journal and texting it to Juli
- Meeting my step goal of 11,000 steps 6 out of 7 days
- Drinking at least 64 oz of water per day
And I'm happy to report, I made those goals every day so far! (Okay, yes, I realize it's only the 2nd of June, but I'm two for two!)
My reward for my hard work will be a pedicure. Just in time for sandal weather!
As the title of the post suggests, I have some good news, some bad news, and other not so good stuff.
First the good news... I did a box jump today! Two actually! As I posted before, I have this weird, irrational, unreasonable fear of box jumps. I've tried and tried, but I just couldn't seem to get my body to do what I wanted it to do. I have no idea what happened today that I was able to overcome that. It just happened. And it happened on a day I was sore and questioning my compatibility with crossfit. I was beginning to think that maybe crossfit just wasn't the right fit for me. I've felt clumsy, out of place, and have had some new aches and pains along with my normal knee pain.
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| Me, with the 8 lb wall ball |
But this morning, it just clicked. I did the two box jumps and then while doing the skill of the day (bent over rows and Good Mornings) the pain in my lower back finally went away. Apparently I stretched it out with those movements. I had to scale back the workout of the day, but I was proud of myself for completing all five rounds of the wall tappers, burpees and wall balls. I was tired, hot, sweaty, and gasping for breath, but I finished!
So... maybe I was meant to do this crossfit stuff after all....
As for the bad, I'm still doing the comfort eating. I had a headache today and indulged in some candy. I was craving sugar and instead of looking for alternatives, I just dove into the candy. Not only did it not make my headache go away (comfort eating never does, but I try it every time), but then I felt yucky from all the sugar. I swear, some day I will learn to deal with comfort and emotional eating. Apparently, today is not the day. :-)
The ugly... well, that's more about the way I'm feeling. I'm having a very hard time with the fact I have gained back so much weight. I feel ugly... physically, emotionally and mentally. I hate feeling this way because I know the negative thoughts just lead me down that dark path of overeating, feeling guilty, and overeating to compensate for the guilt. It's just so hard to accept this is who I am at this moment but it's not who I will always be. I will get the weight back off. I will get back to the weight where I feel comfortable both with how I feel and how I look. Like everyone else, I want that instant gratification. I want the weight off now. I want to feel good now. But it takes time and patience. And my Hubby will tell, patience is not one of my virtues! LOL
Despite fighting the negative thoughts and self talk about my weight gain, I do feel good. I feel like I am finally getting my energy level back. Energy I haven't had since before my surgery. When people were telling me it could take 4 to 6 months before my full energy level returned, I wasn't sure I really believed it. I do now! I actually have the energy to work out in the morning, get through 8 hours (usually more) of work, and still have energy to get a few things done around the house in the evening. And that is a good feeling.
Getting this thirty pounds back off is going to be struggle. It's going to be hard. And it's going take a long time. I just have to remind myself that weight loss isn't a race. There's no finish line. It's a journey, with a lot of detours and back tracking, trying to find the right path and even changes directions occasionally. I need to look at this as an adventure. I also have to remind myself of how far I've come. I went from Queen of the Couch Potatoes, to an active person who runs, hikes, backpacks... and does crossfit!
Who knows what road will I venture down next...
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