Is this food worthy of me?

This is the question that was posed to us at the Weight Watcher meeting this morning.  A spin on the standard question, "is that food worth it?"  That to me, is an easy question to ask and answer.  Most of the time the answer is "no" (yet that doesn't seem to stop me from eating it...).

But, "is this food worthy of me?" seems a harder question to answer.  What does that even mean?  To me, it would be food that is healthy, nutritious, and filling.  A food that will leave me satisfied.  There would be no guilt while eating it and no remorse after. 

And lately, none of the foods I have been eating have been worthy of me or worth it in the long run. 

So what am I doing to myself, and more importantly, why?

I reached my goal in 2010, and during the next three years I was able to keep an average of 115 pounds off.  I felt good, though I struggled with keeping a healthy attainable weight.  I was obsessed with calories in/calories out, but I was able to (for the most part) maintain my weight.

Then I started to move to a more "clean eating" approach to food.  That worked well too.  Then this year I decided to try a Paleo/Primal approach.  Part of the Paleo philosophy is that there is no need to count calories if you are eating "real" food.  Great!  No more obsessing about calories in/calories out.  I was free! 

Yeah... apparently I don't handle food freedom well at all.  If I wasn't tracking my food, then I could slip in the junk food here and there.  Who would know?  I wasn't tracking it, so it didn't count, right?  Right?

Wrong.

I need to track.  Plan and simple.  Food freedom doesn't work for me.  It's taken me months of gaining weight (and occasionally losing) to figure that out.  I need to see what I'm eating, I need to see the calories, the protein, fat and carbs.  I need the accountability.  No more hiding what I'm eating.

This is not to say that Paleo doesn't work.  It does.  For me, with my emotional eating, my history of food addiction, I need something more to keep me accountable.  I need to measure and weigh my portions.  Not everyone needs to do this, but I do.  I will continue to eat Paleo, but will allow myself an occasional indulgence and try to keep a 80/20 rule (eat Paleo 80% of the time) in effect.

I loved the way I felt while doing the 21 Day Sugar Detox, so I plan to cut back on the sugar and treats I have been eating over the last couple of months.  I want to feel good again, to have energy, and be on less of an emotional food roller coaster.

I need to ask myself, "is this food worthy of me?" If not, I need to find the internal strength to walk away.  And if it is, then I need to track it and be accountable for it.

After months of not tracking, not being accountable, and pretending everything was okay (when it clearly wasn't), it's going to be hard to get back on the track.  But I am worth it.  And the struggle is worth it.  So, darn it, the food better be worth it, too!