The "why" I tend to avoid

I finally did it!  I had a good day, eating wise.  I tracked my food and stayed within my calorie goal, even with going out to eat with Hubby.  I wasn't hungry during the day and I made my step goal. 

I'm hoping that my good day yesterday will carry me through today.  I still feel good, have a bit of energy (though not as much as yesterday) and feel like I am in the right frame of mind to continue doing well. 

Yesterday, I wrote "So what am I doing to myself, and more importantly, why?"  I realized I answered the first part of the question, but never delved into the why.  I have to wonder if that wasn't a subconscious effort to ignore the why or to avoid delving into my self-distructive behavior.

This morning I contemplated the "why" of my behavior over the last couple of months, but mainly the last couple of weeks.  I was feeling good in September and October as worked through the 21 Day Sugar Detox.  I felt fabulous, both physically and mentally, but within two weeks of finishing the detox, I was right back to my old habits.  Why?

Good question and not one that I can give a definite answer to.  I can come up with all kinds of excuses for overeating... Halloween (goodies running amuck), vacation at Disneyland, Thanksgiving, blah, blah, blah.  All of those are excuses, nothing more.  I have gone through plenty of holidays and vacations over the last 10 years to know that I can be successful with my weigh loss (or weight maintenance) through those challenging times. 

So why have I gained so much weight this year?  Why?  Once I strip away all the excuses, I'm really not sure.

At first glance, life is no more stressful than any other year.  No problems at home, no problems with family, work, or friends. 

That brings me to my health.  That may be part of it.  And a bigger part than I realize.  As I have mentioned before, I have uterine fibroids.  I have had issues for years.  More of an inconvenience and annoyance than anything else.  But last year something changed and the issues became more consistent and in the last few months, more aggressive.  It's to the point now that I have been considering surgery to overcome the problems.  I have come to believe that a lot of my low energy and lack of enthusiasm is due to these issues.  It may be that the changes in my running this past year (slower pace, not as much energy during the run) could be attributed to the fibroid issues. 

Because of the chronic rundown, exhausted feeling, I have done a lot of comfort eating.  And thinking about the possibility of surgery, being out of work for 2 to 4 weeks, and unable to exercise for 4 to 8 weeks has me stress eating. 

Yes, part of my over eating may be due to health issues, but I am also using those issues as excuses to eat more... for comfort, to relieve stress, to help soothe the aches and pains, etc.  And that has to stop.  Regardless of what I decide to do or what needs to be done, I have to put my health first.  Being overweight, inactive, and eating badly will only complicate matters going forward.

Which brings me back to the other question I posed yesterday, "is this food worthy of me?"  Today that has a new meaning.  I need to be eating only food worthy of me, to make me healthier to deal with other medical issues in the future.  I only have one body, so I need to take the best care of it I can.