I'm sure that's how people feel reading my blog. Same theme, new post. Yep, here I am again, slip sliding off the wagon. Again. For the umpteenth time. And if I'm sick of listening to myself talk about this, I can only imagine how my friends feel! I did great until Saturday. I had a plan. And the day started out well enough. Sure, I didn't get up and work out as I had planned, but I went to the Weight Watcher meeting, connected with friends, came home to a healthy breakfast, and got out for a mile walk.
Then I'm not sure what happened. Things are kind of hazy. I did start the day on a productive, positive note. I did a few chores... then the tired, no energy feeling hit me. And hit me hard. I had not planned on being tired, so I had no back up plan, no Plan B to get me through. So, I did what I always do. I sat around and ate, instead of just taking a nap. When will I learn this is not a "plan" or even an acceptable way to deal with being tired? Apparently, never.
My only saving grace for the day is we have no junk food (okay, a little junk food, stashed away, out of sight) in the house. I overate on healthy foods... but high in calorie, Paleo snacks. Okay, I can deal with that.
Then dinner out. I stuck to my pre-planned meal, which I had in my tracker. What I didn't count on was the ice cream cake. Have I mentioned all the times I didn't give into temptation in the previous week? All the times I was able to say no to favorite foods? Well, apparently my resolve ends at ice cream cake. A favorite of mine. Who can resist ice cream? In the form of cake? Especially when it's offered, free of charge. The advantage to living in a fairly small town, you know a lot of people, if not by name, then by sight. We were sitting at a local restaurant and there was a group of women having a baby shower. One of the hosts of the shower is a waitress at the local brewery that Hubby goes to nearly every week, so she offered Hubby and I a piece of the ice cream cake since there was more than enough for the shower guests. Hubby more than likely would have said no had I not been there, but I couldn't. It was ice cream cake. I can pass on chips and salsa. I can say no to Girl Scout Samoa cookies. Ice cream cake? Nope, that's where I draw the line... no saying no to ice cream cake.
Hubby and I shared the piece and for the most part that was the only "bad" food I had on Saturday, but it put me way, way over my calorie goal. Plus I hadn't done my planned workout for the day. Not my best day, but in the scheme of things, not too bad either.
Sunday I woke up tired, achy, and cranky. I was due to run with Juli at ten and I kept hoping she would back out (giving me a reason not to run). No such luck. I went, but mentally I was bitching and moaning the whole time. I didn't want to be out there, my knee hurt, I was cold, etc. Yet, in reality, it wasn't a bad a run. Sure, my knee hurt, but the rest of me felt good, my breathing was good, and considering it snowed later in the day, it wasn't a bad time to run. I'm glad I went, because I know if I hadn't, I would have kicked myself all day for not doing it.
As for my eating on Sunday, again it was the healthy Paleo type snacks... just too many servings of bigger than normal portions. Yes, it could have been worse, but me being me, I beat myself up for not making better choices.
Yesterday was another day I struggled to hang onto the wagon before I truly slipped off. I didn't track, ate more than I should have, got into my secret stash of chocolate, and didn't work out. I did walk with Windy (and like Juli, didn't give me the opportunity to back out it!) so I got some steps in though I didn't make step goal.
So what's today like? I woke up with headache (darn allergies!) so working out didn't happen, but once I had some Excedrin Migraine, black tea, and long hot shower, I did get on treadmill for a (very slow) walk before leaving for work. I got out for my morning walk and will be walking with Windy at lunch again today. Which means I will get my step goal. The food? Well, that remains to be seen. So far, so good.
What does all this mean? That I haven't totally fallen off the wagon, just hanging on for dear life. All this straining to hold on is putting me in a funk, giving me a bad attitude about everything. And I hate feeling like this way. Usually a bad attitude will lead to overeating, which leads to feeling worse, which leads to comfort eating, which leads to...See? Deja vu. The same place I have been for the last year or two. A cycle that seems to be getting harder and harder to break. One that I have to continue to work on breaking if I don't want to gain all the weight back.
Kind of depressing post, huh? Never fear, if I can make it through today, I know that tomorrow will be a better, happier, more positive day. So please... hang in there with me. When I get back on the wagon, I will be cheering and having happy thoughts. I just need get in a better position on that wagon so I'm no longer hanging on for dear life, but can ride comfortably knowing that the next bump won't knock me off.
And thank you to my friends who are helping to hold me in the wagon. Without you, I would have let go a long time ago.
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