This past week I came to the realization that crossfit is not my thing. Yes, I know, just a couple of months ago, I blogged how it was. So what happened? I figure out it was a rebound thing.
Let's say you have been in this long term relationship with a guy that changed your life. You had 5 or 6 good years together. They weren't always easy years. At times it was a love/hate relationship, but this guy made you feel good, empowered, and made you realize you could do nearly anything you put your mind to. Then one day, he has to go away. He might be back, but chances are, if does come back things won't be
the same. So you grieve. You're friends see you grieving and they want to make it better.
So they introduce you to this great guy they know. They love this guy and think you will too. You meet the guy and though you have your doubts, you see this guy has a lot of wonderful qualities. Very different from you old boyfriend, but a great guy none the less. He does make you feel good and at times, empowered. So you dive into a relationship with him. You spend several months getting to know him and find a lot of good things about him. But you also realize you are not "clicking" with him. You are working way to hard to make the relationship work. Yes, he has made you feel good about yourself, shown you how strong you are, what you could be with work and effort... yet... there's just something missing. Then one day you realize you are dreading seeing him, that things just aren't the same as they were when you first met. As nice, kind, and wonderful as this guy is, he's just not the guy for you. It's time to move on.
That's me and crossfit.
I liked running. I can't say I loved it, but it gave me this feeling of accomplishment that I had never felt before in my life. I like the way my body felt after a run. Alive. The aches, the pains, the complaining about it... all of thatI could endure because the positive feelings I got from running outweighed the negative feelings. There was an underlying enjoyment in all that which kept me going.
Then I started to have knee pain to the point I couldn't run. Running was no longer an option. That activity was gone.
Then I started crossfit, and I like it. It was new, different. A great opportunity to see what I could do and how strong I could become. But over the last month or so, the newness has worn off... it became something I did, but there was no feeling of accomplishment when I got done with a workout. Just relief it was over. Then I began to be an underlying stress and anxiety in my life as I worried about the next class, if I could get through it, how much modifying would I have to do, how much knee pain would I have if I did a movement wrong, etc.
This past week I realized I was doing crossfit for the wrong reasons. I felt if I didn't go then I would let the coaches down, who spent a lot of time working with me and helping me modify the workouts. I went because I liked the other members and the feeling of community. I went because Hubby goes, it gave us something in common, and something to talk about. I went because Hubby was paying for it and I wanted him to get his money's worth. I went because I needed to be doing something if I wasn't running.
But the problem was, I wasn't going for me. I was going for everyone and everything else. I dreaded the workouts. I didn't have that feeling of accomplishment or fulfillment. I looked for excuses not to go. I came to the realization that crossfit is not for me. Once I made the decision to move on, there was a burden lifted from me that I didn't even realize I was carrying. I felt less stressed and anxious. That feeling confirmed that I was making the right choice by walking away.
Crossfit is great. Don't get me wrong. It pushes you on a personal level, it makes you stronger, there is a wonderful community of coaches and members. But like anything in life, there is no "one size fits all." So just because crossfit isn't right for me, it is right for a lot of people. And just because it isn't the right thing for me at this moment in my life, doesn't mean I won't go back. I know all the wonderful benefits of crossfit, so I may return at some point. When I do go back, it will be for the right reason... I will be there for me.
So I'm back to looking for my thing. Running is still out, but I can still walk and hike. I can still do workouts at home, at my own pace. I will still continue to be active, I just won't be working out as intensely as I had been.
As with any relationship that ends, life still goes on.
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