My weight has been up and down the last couple of days but I'm working on my "not obsessing about the number on the scale." I think I'm doing pretty good with that, just using the number to keep my ultimate goal in mind.
I'm still working on trying to find some inner happiness (or just inner contentment). I've been much closer to finding that since getting back on track with my eating. Eating the right foods (less processed carbs) makes me less emotional, making it easier for me to find the positive in a little things. I still have a long way to go with that. I am not a positive person by nature. More the opposite. More negative and pessimistic. But I'm working on changing that. Well... it's on the list of things I would love to change about myself... ;-)
I have found a little trick that has helped me several times this past week. Something I read or heard about writing down three things you are grateful before you go to bed. To help focus on the positive so you are going to bed with a happier thoughts. I have changed that bit, to use that in moments of negativity.
An example will be at work. We shuffled around are cubes in our small office, moved some people out and other people in. I am blessed to work with some wonderful, positive, encouraging people. But like everyone, I have that one co-worker that grates on my nerves like finger nails on a chalkboard. I was fine working with her... when her office was located across the building from me, but sitting right next her is, for me, a nightmare. She is a person who is naturally LOUD. She has no concept of "indoor voice" and "cube voice" would be totally lost on her. And her cube is right next to mine. Just a cube partition wall between us. She loves to talk... to anyone... to herself... to the squirrels she feeds out the window. And when she's not talking, she is sighing as though working in an office is tiring and demeaning.
All that being said, I am not the most quiet person either. I love to talk. But I know enough to keep my voice down in the office and I know that others are working around me so I can't spend the whole day talking. I try to be courteous of my co-workers (notice I say try, I'm sure I have some habits that annoy the hell out of my co-workers).
After a particularly trying morning with this co-worker talking loud, continually repeating herself and ending each sentence (literally!) with the phrase, "know what I mean?" I was at my wits end. Luckily, I headed out for a walk with my friends and was venting about this co-worker. Suddenly, I stopped. I realized I was being totally negative and it was effecting my day. So I took a deep breathe and blurted out, "three things I'm grateful for at this moment... that I have a job, a very understanding supervisor, and you guys to walk with." I turned to Vicki, "your turn, quick... three things your grateful for."
By doing that, I was able to change my mood and those of us walking in one breath. And it was amazingly easy. Since then, I have done that countless times throughout the week. If I'm feeling annoyed, angry, or even sick, I just think of three things I'm grateful for at that moment. There are things I'm always grateful for... a wonderful husband, a family that loves me, a house to live in, etc. But finding three things in the moment is a bit harder, stops the negative thoughts, and forces me to find the positive in that moment.
My co-worker, known around the office as Mr. Happy, calls it "counting your blessings." I call it "my moment of gratitude."
It's just one little way I can turn my mood around.
Another way of turning my mood around is reading a good book. And I stumbled on a good one. While browsing the books at our local Target, a book with a smiling raccoon on the cover caught my eye. I picked it up and read the title, "Furiously Happy" by Jenny Lawson. After reading the dust jacket, I knew I wanted to read this book. So I snapped a picture of the cover with phone and when I got home, I bought it, and downloaded the book onto my tablet. This has to be one of the funniest books I've read in a long time (if ever). I found myself laughing out aloud and at one point I was laughing so hard that I had trouble continuing to read. Now, I know I have a quirky, weird, bizarre sense of humor (get that from my Dad), so it may just be me. But I absolutely loved this book.
The author courageously admits to the world that she suffers from severe depression, anxiety disorder, and countless other disorders and phobias. Most of the book is about her way of dealing with mundane daily tasks and her weird sense of humor, giving us insight as to how her mind works. One of the last chapter in the book she does get serious about her depression and talks about how she feels when she's in depression, how just getting through the day, fighting off her negative thoughts is all she can do. She was feeling like she was failing because she accomplished nothing during the day. When she posted about this on her blog, she got countless comments that she was not alone. Nearly everyone posted they often felt the same way. I know that I have days where just getting up, going to the office, and coming home is way more than I could handle. And I will admit, there have been days, that I didn't even go into the office because facing people was just too much. Those days were prior to starting Weight Watchers and starting on my weight loss journey. This journey has helped me cope with more than just my weight. It changed the way I thought about myself and my life.
Which may be why I'm searching for contentment in my life. And the skills to better handles that ups and downs that life throws at me. I guess, what I really want, is to be a better person than I was yesterday. Not only physically, but spiritually as well.
Which may be why I'm searching for contentment in my life. And the skills to better handles that ups and downs that life throws at me. I guess, what I really want, is to be a better person than I was yesterday. Not only physically, but spiritually as well.
Thanks Stacy for reminding me to be grateful!
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