Running through the fear

Yesterday was a good day... Not perfect by any means, but I did feel more in control with my eating.  I still ate a few things that I probably should have avoided, but I'm not going to beat myself up over it. 


My Hubby is gone for a week (his annual trip to Vegas to watch the beginning tournaments of March Madness), so that in itself is a challenge for me.  I tend to overeat when he's not around.  Not sure why, but if I'm going to binge, it will be when he's gone.  With my current mindset and him leaving, I was terrified what would happen.  I voiced my concern to him and he assured me I would be fine.  We planned out my meals for the week and since he usually does the cooking, we found easy to make recipes for me.  Now, the trick will be to not bring junk food into the house while he is gone.


Hubby is still doing CrossFit and loving it!  I'm happy he has found something he enjoys and I think it's really helped him come out of his shell (he's a shy guy but makes the effort at CF to talk with people).  Like me, he had some issues with his knees because of running and not stretching properly, and now with CF he was getting some shoulder pain with all the lifting.  Someone at CF told him about a website that streams daily yoga-type stretches (www.romwod.com).  He began to do that, and started noticing improvements almost right away.  Since it was helping him, he encouraged me to start doing the stretching with him.  I resisted for awhile (hey, I was still in my funk and didn't want to do anything...), but when I started saying how much I missed running, he told me how the stretching had really helped his knee.  I finally gave in and did one of the videos with him.  I actually enjoyed it.  It was a great way to start the day, I found it relaxing and helped with some much needed stress-relief.

After doing the stretches for several days, I decided that I was ready to face my fear concerning my knee pain.  I was ready to try running. 

It's been months (possibly more than 6 months) since I last ran outside.  I've a run a couple of times since then, on the treadmill, with a lot of walk breaks.  I was little nervous about running, but I wasn't going more than a mile and walking would always be an option. 

So off I went.  A little knee pain in the beginning, but I remembered my CrossFit Endurance training (what little I did!) and kept my stride short, pulled my leg up, bent at the ankles, and let gravity do the rest.  Soon the ache in my knees subsided and for a block or two, I felt great.  Then I went up a slight incline and my breathing went to hell and I was nearly gasping for breath.  After a half mile of running, I slowed to walk (which at that point felt faster than my running pace) to catch my breath.  After several steps I went back to running.  I focused on points in the distance... run to that mailbox... run to that street sign... to the lamp post... to the dog... oh, wait, the dog is going away from me... run to the parked car... walk a few steps... run to the mailbox... run to the pothole... walk a few steps... run to the...

Finally, I was back to my street, then I was back to my house.  I did it!  I ran a mile outside!  Probably my worst pace ever for a run that short, but I was thrilled to have done it.  It felt great to be running again.  And most importantly -- very little knee pain! 

I conquered my fear of "what if."  I ran through my fear and felt better for it.  I'm hoping that this one success will spur me on to get back into running... which I hope will lead to better eating... and with any luck, will help me to lose this weight I've gained.