Still Going...

Going into Day 6 of my "three simple goals."  

This weekend has been easier to stay on track than I thought it would be.  I like having just three simple goals to focus on.  Makes life easier.  

I have no issues on getting out for one or two short walks to get my meager step goal (which increases just a few steps a day).  Tracking is fairly easy since my breakfast is generally the same for a several days in a row and my lunch is leftover from the night before, so just means a lot of copying the meals on MyFitnessPal.com.  I am not too concerned about the calorie count right now, it's more about getting in the habit of tracking and being aware of what I'm eating.  If my weight loss stalls, then I will start working on the quality and quantity of the calories.  Water seems to be my biggest challenge.  I drink a lot of hot tea (even in the summer), and I had been drinking a lot of diet 7up and diet Sprite in the last couple of months.  So getting away from that and drinking just plain water has not been an easy transition.  I have made my water goal everyday, it just takes more planning than the walking and tracking.  And you would think that would be the easiest goal to accomplish! 

Me, after my walk on Saturday.

I am going to have to start adding stretching every evening to my list of goals.  My goal this week has been to walk between 5,300 and 5,700 steps a day (most days I've walked between 7,000 and 9,000 steps), but that it causing me more pain than I care to admit.  My foot hurts nearly as bad as it did in the fall.  My knee twinges going downstairs.  And I have aches from my lower back to the tips of my toes that comes from moving my body for the first time in 6 months.  I'm hoping that stretching will help with all that.  

I want to be able to walk for long distances without any pain.  Just 21 weeks until my 50th birthday and 22 weeks until we go to San Diego.  I don't want to be in pain the whole time and unable to to walk around the zoo or Lego Land or wherever else we go.  I want to be able to focus on having fun and seeing the sights, not how my foot/knee/body hurts. 

I also don't want to be self-conscious about the way I look.  I think I worry about that more now than I ever did before.  Maybe because now I know how I look at a healthy weight.  And I'm embarrassed by how I look now, I'm embarrassed that I have gained the weight back.  It makes me feel like a failure.  Which may be where a lot the worthless, self-loathing comes from.  I've been struggling with those feelings for several years now.  I've blamed those feelings on work, but maybe it has nothing to do with work.  Maybe those feelings are from gaining the weight back and feeling like I have failed.  Hmmmm.... that's something I haven't considered before.  

Wow... the posts this past week have seemed pretty bleak for someone who is getting back on track with eating and moving again.  But this is the first time, in a long time, that I've been honest with myself about what I have done and am doing to my body.  It's frightening.  When I was obese at 34, I didn't have any of the aches and pains I have now.  And that scares me.  Sure, some of that could be age, but I just think my body is rebelling from having to deal with all this weight again. I want to live another 35 to 40 years, and I don't want to live that time being tired, sick, emotional, fat, and lonely.  I want to be healthy.  I want to be a role model for the younger generation on how you should live a healthy life.  

I need this blog to keep me honest.  Keep me on track.  To help me discover all the things that are keeping me from being a healthy, happy soon-to-be 50-year old woman.  Discover, tackle, overcome, and move on.  

I won't be the ideal weight on my 50th birthday, I've come to accept that.  But I can be healthier than I am today.  And improvement is always a good thing.  So my goal for my 50th birthday is be able to walk 3 to 5 miles without pain.  It's a goal I will have to work for, but it's attainable.  

I got this!