Waiting for the wall

 "This is still working for me!"  is a thought I have almost daily.  

I keep waiting to lose interest, have a bad day and quit, or hit that imaginary wall where I just can't see myself following a weight loss program for one more day.

39 days in and that still hasn't happened.  If I was to be totally honest with you (okay, and honest with myself), I don't think I have stuck to type of weight lose program for this long in years... As in the last 4 to 5 years.  This just feels... well.... weird.  

Shouldn't I be ready to quit?  Or at the very least, looking for the loop holes that would allow me to eat more without actually cheating or going off program?  

I haven't done any of that.  

What I have done?  I eat at the table, eat with limit distractions, cut back on the snacking between and after meals, and upped my activity to 30 minutes a day.  That's pretty much it.  Still eat the same meals I was eating prior to starting this... spaghetti with wheat noodles, tuna noodle casserole, beef stroganoff (with either wheat noodles, brown rice or cauliflower rice), pork chops and mashed potatoes... all the foods I love.  I eat a hearty breakfast of breakfast sandwiches or wraps, breakfast skillet (ground pork, peppers, onions and potatoes),or pancakes and sausage or bacon (with real maple syrup - not the pancake syrup concoctions).  If I do have a snack, it's string cheese or a portion of fruit.  Sometimes I have a treat.  Last Saturday, Hubby brought me a brownie from the local bakery (which we shared) and the next day I had a thin slice of very yummy cake made by niece. 

And guess what... even with all... I lost 2.5 pounds last week.  I didn't track one calorie.  I ate real food, a couple of treats, and still lost weight. 

This is where all the self doubt starts kicking in.  Before, when I wanted to lose weight, I had to cut back on the food I was eating, I thought of treats as "bad" and felt the need to count every calorie going into my body and every calorie I expended during the day.  I was darn near obsessive about it because I was sure if I didn't then I wouldn't be able to lose weight (or maintain my weight).

This time, I'm more focused on how I'm eating and why I'm eating and the weight is coming off.   And coming off faster than I would have imagined.  This can't possibly be right... or can it...? 

By eating when I'm hungry (not because of the time of day, because others are eating or just because the food is there) and pushing my plate away when I'm full (*gasp* there is still food on my plate!), I am, for the first time, listening to my body.  I have always felt the need to be the best participant of the "Clean Your Plate Club" and always ate every thing on my plate.  Usually because it was there, so I might as well eat.  If someone else made the meal, I felt obligated to finish it or would hurt their feelings (Hubby and I actually had a discussion about that one since I always felt I had to finish any meal he made).  Or if we were out to eat, then yes, I have to finish this food because, gosh darn it, we paid for it (I have recently learned how to say "could I please get a to go box?").  

I'm still learning my hunger signals, still figuring out that moment when I am satisfied with a meal (not full or stuffed), and still learning to walk away with food on plate.  I'm learning I don't have to eat my entire meal in one sitting.  It's okay to feel satisfied and then finish the meal later if I get hungry again.  If I take the time to slow down and listen to my body, all the information is there.  

For me, this is an amazing discovery.  I've spent years ignoring every signal my body has given from food to exercise.  I ate when I thought I should, in amounts predetermined either by someone else or randomly.  I worked out to the point of causing injury because I didn't listen to my body.  

The question that nags at me every day is... how long will this last?  How long will I continue to pay attention to all the cues my body is giving me?  Can I really do this forever?  Is all of this just some sort of weird fluke and I will eventually give up and gain weight back?  Is this the new me or a temporary me? 

I don't know the answers to those questions... no one does.  I can only take this one day at time... I one hunger signal at time... and pray for the best.