It's Thursday, and for me, that's my official weigh in day at Weight Watchers. Last week was pretty discouraging with a 3.4 pound gain. I didn't give up on the detox, continued with my walking and running, and did everything I needed to do to have a good week, both physically and emotionally.It was a much better weigh in today. I lost 4.2 pounds. I lost what I gained, plus a little more. That's better!
But, why after all this time on my weight loss journey, am I still focused on a number on the scale? I try not to let the scale be the final judge and jury of how I'm doing, yet I do. A bad number can cause me to go off plan for a day... or days, weeks even. A good number, then I take that as a sign I can eat a bit more in celebration of my loss. Such a vicious cycle. Which is why my Hubby has removed the scale from the house. During the week I have no idea what I weigh, I can't just peak at the scale to see how I'm doing, I have to rely on other methods to judge how I'm doing. How do my clothes fit? How do I feel? How is my energy level? Am I feeling hungry or full most of the time? These should be the way to tell how I'm doing, but in the end, I still let the scale make the final decision.
The scale doesn't know what I did or did not do during the week. The scale doesn't know if I drank my 64 oz of water everyday. The scale doesn't know if I met my step goal, ran 6 miles, or hiked up a large hill. The scale doesn't know that I stuck to plan and avoided comfort eating.
So why does the scale get to tell me how I'm doing?
Simple. Because I let it. I let an inanimate object determine my worth. How dumb is that? This little gadget can ruin my day or make me feel like a million bucks. It can make me shed tears of frustration or tears of happiness.
Since Hubby has packed our scale away, the one at the house no longer has that control. But the one at the Weight Watcher meeting room still does. I tell myself every week that it doesn't matter what the scale says, I am successful because I walked through those doors. I am successful, because each and every day, I do my best to stay on plan. Those are my thoughts, right up to the moment I step on the scale. Then the number because the focus, the reason for continuing, the reason for being there. For that moment, my life revolves around a number that will change five to six times in a day, can be up or down by three pounds by the next morning.
Do I have a solution for this obsession? Nope. I am happy with the fact that I have narrowed that obsession down to a few minutes once a week, instead of twice a day, everyday. That's progress. Maybe someday I can get to the point that the number doesn't matter, but I'm not there... yet.
As for the detox. Yesterday did end up being a challenge, but I made it through! I wanted to comfort eat, but with limited food on hand, I wasn't able to. I had some cravings to eat in the afternoon, by then I was tired and wanting to eat to stay awake. Last night I got through the evening because Hubby and I went to the movie and I was limited to what I snuck in with me. (Yes, I know you shouldn't sneak in food, but there is nothing at the snack bar that I could eat and stay on program. But we did buy water there.)
Now on to Day 12. Can't believe I am over halfway through the detox and have not gone off plan! Still feel good, energetic, and even happy. Though, my thoughts are now drifting to what will happen once the detox is done. For now, I'll just take it one day at time!
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