Today I'm 45

Yep, my birthday is September 11th.  Today I am 45.  For some, that might be a depressing thought, but for me... Woo Hoo! 

Why am I happy?  Because I am healthier and happier at 45 than I was at 25.  At 25 I was a single mom to a 7 year old, was obese, unhealthy, and though I tried not to show it, very unhappy.

Now?  Well, I have lost over 100 pounds (that is a story for another time!), I am in a great relationship (in fact, hubby and I celebrated our third anniversary yesterday), I'm healthy, have a good job, and great friends. 

So if I'm doing this well at 45, I can't wait to see what the next 20 years brings!

Though, having a birthday does make you reflect on the past year.  The things you did, would have liked to have done and those moments you would have like to forget. 

My year definitely had it's ups and down.  Even though I have lost over 100 and kept that weight off for over 4 years, it's still a struggle and it is still the thing that stays in my mind the most.  I spend nearly every waking hour obsessing about my weight (loss or gain), foods I eat (good or bad), and decisions I made.  It's tiring.  But it is who I am.  I think everyone has that "thing" they obsess over and for me, it's my weight.  It's because of this obsession that I have the "ups and down" in my life.  Good times are when I'm on track, on plan, exercising, and feeling good.  The down times are when I'm off plan, eating badly, and not exercising. 

If life is going good... job, family, etc.... then my eating is under control.  But the least amount of stress, one bad moment during the day, and I'm turning to food for comfort.  Giving myself permission (an excuse really) to eat.  Then life isn't so good.

But I want this year to be different.  I want this year to be the year I break that cycle.  I am hoping that weekly blog will help.  Give me a chance to vent, cheer, rage, cry, laugh, and feel good. 

I know a blog alone will not help to break the cycle.  I've been on this journey long enough to know I will have to use every "tool" I have.  I will need to continue to attend Weight Watcher meetings, need to lean on my support system (love my friends and husband -- they are awesome), continue to post on the sites that give me inspiration, listen to "healthy" podcasts, and work getting more into the Paleo way of eating.  I will be starting my new year off by following the "21 Day Sugar Detox" to see if that helps with my cravings and binges.  And I will get back into my walking, running, and working out. 

Will this be the year?  Only time will tell...