Empowered!

Scrapbook table, set up and ready to start scrapbooking! 

This has been a good week for me.  And like I said in the previous post, I'm not sure what clicked with me, but this is the best I've felt (mentally) in a long time.  

Yesterday morning as I was walking into work, I was trying to put a finger on what I was feeling and the word empowered popped in my head.  Yes, I feel empowered.  I feel like I can lose the weight (again!), I don't have to let work stress me out, I can get my walk(s) in during the day, I can find balance between work, my online business, and the other things I would like to do.  I can enjoy my life.

Right now, my biggest fear is this feeling will go away, but I'm not letting that fear stop me from enjoying the moment.

Yesterday was a good day.  I finally got out and walked at lunch time (thank you Windy!) and plan to get back in the routine of doing that.  As long as the weather cooperates... this has been a long winter in Montana and sometimes spring time isn't much better.  

Another factor adding to my good day yesterday was a revelation that my stressful job, that I have been bitching and complaining about it, and hating for the last 9 months, isn't that bad anymore.  In fact, I actually have a good job and apparently the upper management I resented and complained about for months, is on my side.  

In November, I told both HR and my bureau chief that I was very unhappy with my job and my workload, and would most likely be looking for another job within the next 6 to 12 months (once Hubby was settled in his new job).  When questioned about why I was unhappy I gave two major examples, one was where I was sitting in the office and the other was the billing portion of my workload.  Working on the billing was taking up so much time it was causing me to work up to 10 hours a day and most weekends.  I was given permission to move across the room, eliminating one of the stresses.  I had been sitting next to a co-worker who works best by talking out loud, but I need quiet to focus.  The co-worker talked so much that by the end of the day I would be in tears of frustration because I couldn't focus or get anything done.  The co-worked didn't do it intentionally, it's just in this person's way of working.  Once I moved, there was a great weight lifted, I was able to focus more, and was able to get through the day without tears.  It would be 3 months before I was able to get help with the billing, but once I did get the help, my weekend trips to the office became in minimal.  

Several months ago I requested a laptop or tablet that I could use during meetings (I have a LOT of meetings) so I could take more organized notes to follow up with customers.  Right now I jot down notes in a notebook.  Yep, totally old school way of taking notes.  Problem is, with all the meetings, I forget which page I took the notes on, and what I was supposed to follow up on.  I wasn't sure my request was heard, but yesterday I got a call from the desktop support group saying that my new laptop was in and I would be getting it on Friday.  Wow.  

Then, last week after putting in a 10 hour day at my desk, my shoulder and back were killing me, so I asked if I could get a sit/stand station.  Yesterday, I had the ergonomic assessment and will be getting the station in the next 2 to 4 weeks.

It was then I realized that I do work with people who care, who have seen my frustrations, and feel I'm valuable enough to the organization to grant my requests.  Almost made me regret my months of bitching and complaining... almost...  

And on the home front, things are going well too.  I got my scrapbook table all set up and have actually gotten a couple of layouts completed.  I'm apparently out of the scrapping groove, because creating the layouts took much longer than it should have, but it felt good to do it.  

I have decided to make Wednesday my weigh in day.  I picked this date for several reasons.  For one, Hubby and I go out to dinner on Wednesday nights, so weighing in the morning just made sense.  Plus, I'm trying to get my weight back under 150 by my 50th birthday, which will be on Wednesday in 2019.  I realize that losing 64 pounds in 76 weeks may be a bit unrealistic for me, and I have never made a timed weight goal before, but it's something I would like to do. 

One other decision I'm on the verge of making (haven't quite talked myself into it yet), is to sign up for the Governor's Cup 5K in June.  I won't be able to run it at this weight (knee hurts bad enough just walking), but having something to workout for might inspire me to get back into an exercise routine.  It will also give me a baseline for future races, since I am basically starting over at square one with my walking and running.  

So, before I start the "poor me" pity party, I am going focus on the positive:

• Walked with Windy yesterday and got over 10,000 steps
• Realized my job isn't that bad and I am not nearly as stressed by it as I have been
• Got my scrap table all set up and getting back in the groove of scrapbooking
• Lost 3.3 pounds in 6 days!

See?  Life can be great, I just need to look for the greatness in each moment!