Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
Someone in the Weight Watcher meeting last week brought this up and I really wish I would have done that yesterday. I had a great week of exercising (and running!) and eating well, then I overate on Friday night. No biggie. It was one night out of seven and I tracked everything I ate. I was ready to put it behind me and focus on the rest of the week.
But yesterday? Oh my... Lets just say it was not pretty and I didn't track beyond lunch. When I got tired of overeating on the half-way healthy foods we had in the house, I ordered pizza. I did it fully aware of what it would do to me physically and emotionally. Why did I do it? I have a million excuses for why I did it but it comes down to the fact that I was tired. Plain and simple. The overeating could have been easily avoided if I had done one simple thing... slept. A short nap would have kept me from all that overeating. I don't know why I didn't do that at some point in the midst of my food frenzy, especially since I kept telling myself how tired I was. I didn't have any plans for the day so napping would not have upset my day in any way.
What it comes down to is old habits are hard to break. I was tired, and probably a bit lonely (Hubby has been gone a week now), and was looking for comfort.
I ate over half the pizza and put the rest in the fridge for breakfast today. Later in the evening I was getting the garbage together to take to the dumpster (also known as hiding the evidence) and I did the first "right" thing all day... I took the leftovers out of the fridge, dumped it in the garbage bag, and took it to the dumpster.
I'm not saying that I stopped eating at that point, but it did give me pause and caused me to stop the overeating for awhile.
When I woke up this morning, I had many options on how to continue with my week. I could say "screw it" and just eat whatever I want the rest of the week. I could go back to exercising and tracking, all the while telling myself what a failure I am Or I could look at the positive side of things. I got rid of the leftovers, I can learn from the experience (I'm a slow learner, I've done this before and no doubt will do it again), I can forgive myself, and I can move on. I lay in bed this morning going over things in my mind and decided forgiving myself and moving forward was the best course of action.
I got out of bed, did the 15 minute Weight Watcher Express Workout, showered, and will get the things done today that I should have done yesterday. I also have a noon time run planned with Juli.
I truly feel like I'm like starting all over with my weight loss. I am having to relearn the good behaviors after months of falling into my old bad habits. I'm having to start from scratch with my workouts, walks, and running. Yes, I'm improving quickly with every workout and run I do, but it's frustrating to go from running half marathons to running a mile.
I want the me of two or three years ago. The woman who worked out diligently three days a week, ran three days a week and walked 14,000+ steps a day. The woman who ate healthy and felt good with and in her own body. I know she's in me. I can feel her screaming to get out, yet I keep sabotaging her success with my old insecurities. It may take me awhile to get her free, but I will. I will keep working at it until things click into place once again.
As for today, I will take it minute by minute. And I will remember to "H.A.L.T" before eating and will deal with the emotional or feeling instead of eating for comfort.
Today will be a good day. I just have to plan it that way.
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