How do I get back on track?

This is the question that I have been asking myself for the past week.  I can't remember the last time I've had such a hard time getting back on track.  I tell myself every morning, this is the day.  This the day I make the changes I need to get back on track.  Then by lunch time, I've done something to sabotage my efforts.  Which leads to feeling of guilt and remorse, and more eating.

My eating is out of control.  And worse, at times, I don't seem to care.  

I didn't weigh in on Thursday morning and I'm not weighing in today either.  I did have Hubby dig out our old scale so I would have some idea of how bad things have gotten.  And it's bad.  Another 4.8 pounds in a week.  

What the hell am I doing?  I can't believe I'm letting things get this out of control.  It's been over five years since I weighed this much.  I don't feel good physically or emotionally, yet I can't seem to stop myself.  I buy foods I know are triggers for overeating, I can't resist the goodies in the office, I overeat on foods that are healthy, and all the while I'm telling myself "just this one, then I'll get back on track."  

That's not happening.  Things are getting worse.

I am finally past the stresses in my life.  I no longer have the fibroid issues that was sucking the energy out of me, work is going great, surgery is done, and the recovery period (for the most part) was a breeze and is now behind me.  Things are going great with my Hubby, friends are supportive and helpful, and family is doing okay.  

So why is it, now that things are going well in nearly every aspect of my life, my weight and eating are out of control?

If only I had the answer to that.

All I can think of is during that emotional and stress eating, all my old bad food habits have crept back in and taken root.  The habits that I spent 10 to 12 years overcoming, came back in just a matter of months.

What to do at this point?  I know I should continue with Weight Watchers, but I am just not getting as much out of the meetings as I used to.  Yes, still great topics... occasionally... but after 14 years of meetings, most of the topics I have heard 20 or 30 times.  Plus, I no longer do the Points system, so the topics dealing with counting Points are for me.... well... pardon the pun, but pointless.  In addition, because I am over my goal weight (and getting farther from it on a daily basis), I have to pay for the meeting.  And the Monthly Pass has gone up in price again. I have to ask myself, "What I am getting for $45 a month?"  The meetings, which I love for the social interaction, the occasional topics that are relevant to me, and the accountability of weighing in at the scale.  Is that worth $45? I used to think so, but now I'm not so sure.  It may be time for me to move on and find new motivation and inspiration else where.  

Then it becomes the question, "where?"


Hubby has offered to be my "weekly meetings" and discuss whatever weight, food or activity issues I'm having during the week.  Which would make each week's discussion relevant for me.  
What about the social interaction, ideas and inspiration?  I have a the most awesome supportive friends for that.  Juli, Sibyl, Windy, and many others will be more than willing to help me.  I just need to ask.  And I know that by talking about various issues, it often helps them too.  Or at the very least, reminds them

they are not alone in the struggle for better health.

The accountability of the scale is a big factor in why I go to the meetings.  Getting on the scale makes me face the reality of my weight loss.  I know it's just one gauge of many as to how I am doing, but it is usually the biggest motivator.  Jumping on the scale at home just doesn't seem to have the same impact.

Hubby and I discussed this a bit over breakfast this morning and we could be accountable to one another.  I could also be accountable here and record my losses (or gains) for all to see.  Maybe that would help not only me, but others.  Let them know that losing weight is not always linear, there are many ups and downs along the way.  As long as the losses are more the gains, then you are doing something right.

Yes, all of those things could replace Weight Watchers, but that still leaves me.  I still need to get back in the game, get back on track, get back on the wagon, and leave all the negativity behind me.

I need to find that one thing that clicks with me, that gets me going in the right direction.  

I hope to find it soon.  Maybe today is the day....